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# First sweater day

by Marcy September 24, 2005 November 4, 2010

Today I wore a sweater. Over a long-sleeved shirt.

The trio was scheduled to play at the market at 11:30. Usually I go earlier (market starts at 9) and play solo until they arrive, but today I didn’t leave my house until after ten, when the temperature passed 50. I even wore my fingerless gloves, in case lake breezes made market temperatures even cooler than up here on the hill.

I’m feeling a bit “off” on this first sweater day.

Perhaps some of it is the change in seasons.

Very little is lingering unease about that concert I wrote about previously; the act of writing about it was cathartic and helped dissipate some of the intensity of it.

Some of it I think was related to performance concerns: I need to remember that audiences can’t read my mind, and so I need to remember to smile sometimes and make eye contact, and try to get my body language to convey my enjoyment of the music — but it’s a bit exhausting to be mindful of that sort of thing while playing.

Some of it may well be related to planning my own concert: the excitement of celebrating five years of playing this amazing instrument, mixed with insecurity and loneliness and the hard work of planning a structured event, including logistics like renting chairs, organizing refreshments, and thinking about the “stage” set up.

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